I am BACK

... in BLACK!

Stockholm Syndrome Coffin Edition

‎Yup. I have slacked harder than Axl Rose...Two weeks without showing up to my own gig; and I don't even have the excuse of shagging random groupies or snorting sucrose - I don't have groupies and I only do brown sugar.

I have been busy sorting out the final episode of "Lord of the ‎Ping" at my parents house (very obscure joke about sorting out the Internet connection) and escaping the mental crutches of an unexplained crush for the Dude With The Stained Panties.

So, I am now in Stockholm, Sweden and I am emailing from my coffin - from which I am squeezing to death in a badass corset!

Liar Liar Pants Bonfire #RomanceIsSweat #PutSomeWashingOnIt

Spongebob Sweaty Pants is the newest addition to my long line of romantic pretenders who are all currently sitting on panties death row.

Spongebob Sweaty Pants sent me this earlier today, following a relatively civilised chat which involved sharing details about each other's daytime activities, as you do (eg : I had a cup of tea and headbanged my crumpets off to Marilyn Manson). 

As somes strange mofos do, you may also want to explain to a 32 year old woman that when one exercises, one gets their sudoriparous glands to produce sweat. To illustrate this amazingly unknown fact, said mofo may want to share photographic evidence of their stained undergarment, with complete inprint of bird feet shaped genitals.

 

In the words of the legendary Megadeth, I shall Rust In Peace. RIP to my love life.